where the 2 world clash

Just needed to write out some thoughts about many of the things happening recently. Its been pretty chaotic as far as i'm aware. Things all packed together, but I don't know, I think i'm still having quite a good time despite all the stress.

Firstly, got our house. Its quite ironic, how i'm the last to apply for a flat but am getting it first. Of course, this didn't come easy. It took so much out of me just to make things right. You know, sometimes, i just don't feel worth it, doing all these things, because no one really appreciates them. Sometimes, I actually feel like i'm alone, facing all hell.

From last september through to now, hasn't been the smoothest journey. Time and again, i've been reminded how important others' feelings are, and how much I should give in to others. Yet until today, i feel, everything that i am doing, i'm doing for others, for the benefit of others. Of course, being with the one i love, achieving a house of my own, are my ultimate aims, but it just wasn't as easy as it seems.

I wish, there comes a day when everyone would just agree with my choice.

Well, that said, getting a house is still a happy thing for me. I must say, and I must complain about not having enough money for anything and that kind of strained darling and my relationship a little. I feel like a fool each time i put in so much effort when at the end of the day, its just totally brushed aside by him. He always thinks that its fine to just say something irresponsibly and expects people to agree with him, but he never thought about the consequences, and definitely not the impact on me. Then again, I can't really blame him. He has his concerns. i just hope, he can be a little bit more sensitive towards my feelings.

Next, starting my degree soon! I'm happy too. You know, after dragging it for soooo long, i am finally able to take that big step to enrol for the course.

Then, there are a lot of people jeering about it. I actually need to keep a secret about going to study, just so people won't know, and they won't say. Its just crap. I'm like stuck in this modern cum traditional world, that gray area.

Seriously, why would anyone feel that way about others, like why do I not deserve the opportunity i yearn for and that i can achieve.

I keep asking myself, why do i allow all of the above to affect me so badly, why do i feel so stressed out because of wad others think?

I feel so tired sometimes, having to accommodate to everyone but no one accommodates for me.

Just the other day, I stopped and took a good look around my house for the past 24 years, and there was an overwhelming sensation... All of a sudden, I need to leave, hastily... Didn't even have time to say goodbye...

Recently

Quite a bit of stuff happening recently, and that kind of explains why my sudden visit back to my 5 year old blog. Its always like that, when I don't really feel like talking to anyone else about my problems, i decided that this is the best sanctuary for me to say anything and everything even if it means, letting strangers see, but then again, I don't think there'll be too many people interested to read my word-heavy blog. 

Work

Work has been rather monotone recently, no big happenings, no major setbacks. Its just some of those small little things that piled up day by day that causes some kind of bad aura within me. I supposed this is work, where you suffer, manage PR, spend most of your hours at. 

My bosses are temperamental, and sometimes, unreasonable. They'll just say things that doesn't really concern me, but becomes my issue. These days, I kind of take them all in stride. I used to get really angry, and just hate talking to anyone when those stuff happens, but now, i take them in stride. Because I know, no matter what I do, I can't stop it from happening, they are, afterall, my bosses. 

My motivation to work becomes stagnant. I used to complain about travelling for work but now, I kind of look forward to travelling, being away from office, not worrying about sudden backlash... And most importantly, a period away from Singapore. 

You know, the irony is, this is quite a good job. Pretty relax during down times, and really just do nothing but i guess sometimes, its those emotional hormones acting up. 

Family

I used to not think too much about my family. I don't put in too much effort to maintain relationship, but I know if they need me, I'll still be there. However, when ah mah passed away last year, I started to feel that I should maintain a relationship, make some effort to do certain things to make the family whole but as I try to do it, put in effort, put in feelings, I get hurt even more than I used to. 

It kind of reminded me why I decided back then, that I will always be around but I prefer to stand on my own. Its really hurtful sometimes. The thought of putting in so much effort but gets nothing in return, or i should say, gets shit in return. 

Those things that I know but never spells out, just spilled out suddenly, everyone is unhappy, everyone is angry... Not entirely because of me, of course. I just regret putting in so much feelings and hurting myself at the same time. 

Today, I decided, I will be who I am, as always, whichever way anyone may feel about me, it no longer matters, what matters most is being happy and worry-free. 

Relationship

Eddie and my relationship has been more or less the same. We are making efforts to quarrel lesser and trying to compromise with each other. 

However, there are times when I don't understand him. He has changed, a lot and he says the same about me. I don't know why a man can change so drastically... Completely different. Its not a bad thing but sometimes, its just hard to understand. 

I guess men have their egos, and Eddie is one of those guys, who live with their pride and hates it when someone pulls their pride down... Strictly speaking, they just can't be laughed by anyone.

House

Managed to secure a house with HDB, but i'm not exactly really happy about it. I'm happy coz I have a house now, with eddie, but i'm moving out of my current place, the place where i stayed for the past 2 decades. 

During bad times, I always think i'm chased out of the house to make way for both brothers. Because they are both getting married, both needs room, and i'm the odd one and naturally be the one the move. Not long ago, I was still upset about the fact that my mum ask me to rent a room if both of them are really getting married at the same time which really broke my heart. 

It still does now. Even though i'm moving out on my own accord, and happy for them. But as I look at their current state, I don't feel the worth of doing so. Even if i don't have a flat now, I would still, move out on my own, for my brothers. 

That's something i'm willing to do, willing to sarcriface, and I know I shouldn't ask for anything in return, i'm not asking for anything actually. I just needed an assurance, a sense of appreciation... Yet, i get none. Instead, i get shits most of the time. 

Stupid? I think so. 

为什么要怎么伟大？为什么要为别人？因为我傻，因为我懂得爱。

Anyway, i got a flat now, and i'm waiting for HDB to process everything. I should be able to get my house this year. 

Shop

I'm actually quite tired with the shop. Because eddie don't appreciate my help and always thinks i'm being nosey. 

I actually wish i can wash my hands off it. However, if i do so, what will happen. There will be $0 in the account, there will be problems with authority, there'll be plenty of problems which I solved without asking Eddie. Because I know he won't bother, he will just ask around some customers and assume an answer. 

I wish i don't have to poke my nose in, and just sit around, doing nothing... Sigh... 

I will make this shop a success, I know I will. I just need to get pass this difficult time. 

Me

I've been working in my current company for almost 3 years now. Which means i've graduated for 3 years now. My initial plan of getting a degree 2 years after employment was pushed back until now. 

I kind of decided to take up my degree with Murdoch this year. I did my application but will be waiting for news on my advance standing. 

Do I want the degree? Yes.

Is it necessary? I don't know. 

For every reason that I think of not doing the degree, i'm slapped by my own reasoning. I know I should get 1, even if its just to sit on. But today, my problem is, i know i will struggle with my finances.

You know what, i'm still gonna do it. Its only 1.5years. 

Life is planned out so differently for everyone, back then, I don't see myself doing what i'm doing now. I wanted a simple life, an easy kind of life style but today, i got so many problems, so many issues, with so little strength to resolve, just to achieve a simple life... 

So, what exactly is a simple life? 

No need for lectures, no need for preaches, I still want my life, as it is. 

Head held high

I guess this really is a bad year?

I'm getting really tired every day that passes by, keep dragging my feet, keep lowering my head... I don't feel like i'm needed. I'm always given shits, loads of shits to handle. family-wise, biz-wise, relationship wise.

Why do I need to help people with their things when I get nothing in return? I was really trying to help, NOT trying to make myself disposable. I'm being nice, not to be taken for granted for.

Are those my jobs? My duty?

I guess I only have myself to blame? But if i don't step in, will this business even survive? Maybe if I don't step in, it would be better off for our relationship... Maybe...

Serve me right.

Happiness is?

This year seems like a good year for some of the tangible things in life. Mr Hoo got his PR, and we got our house. I'm glad we got the house... Very happy actually.

However, good things never come alone. Its accompanied by the bad ones. My eldest bro is getting married end of the year. In a way, my moving out of the house is a necessary move, to make way for them and for my 2nd bro. Didn't really expect things to move so fast. Applied for house in Mar 2012, and i think by Sep/Oct 2012, we'll be able to get the keys. This also means, we're gonna be in debt for almost the rest of our lives (as of now, until we re-finance), and i'm really stressed up by that.

Trying my best to still look fine, feel fine and just like the past 10 years of my life, pretend I don't care. Pretence, yes. For the past 10 years, regardless of what happened, I act as if i don't care, all I cared about was myself, is still myself. Apparently, everybody thinks i'm made of metal, and i am emotionless. They all think i'm fine with the things they say, the things that they go overboard with. The fact is, I let it go but that doesn't mean I don't remember.

Whatever have I done wrong to deserve hurtful words from everyone? Why should I be the one to have fingers pointing at me saying bad things about me?  Why don't I deserve a word of blessing? Why are there no one who can shower me with words of care? Why as the youngest one, i'm always being pushed one side to fend for myself? Why dont I have brothers who dote on me? Why don't I have parents who thinks i'm good enough?

Its been forever, running after that kind of love which I can't feel.... And when i decided i found it somewhere, no one supports me... No one ever did... But i'm happy though... really happy.

I don't need anyone to sabotage this. I kept quiet, I merely don't care...

Seriously, if you have done something wrong, you make up to it, you don't act, you seriously don't. Perhaps I shouldn't have cut that queue, but I don't think its wrong. Maybe you feel that its wrong... But I'm sorry, I wouldn't have change my mind if i'm given a chance to all over again. You are not wrong, you have your concerns but that, I don't really care.

I'm moving out already, let me move out peacefully. I don't need your help, don't need no ones' help... I can do it by myself, peacefully. I will move out without self-pity, without feeling unwanted, I will leave this house for the rest of you...

I will still do my part as a daughter, that's all.

why did you stab me in my heart and twist the knife so hard? why can't all of you just leave me alone? just leave me alone... 

Disheartenings

Sometimes, I just feel like the whole world is against me... I really don't know what I did wrong. If anyone could see this post, I want to address my grievances, the fact that I'm forced into being in debt for the next 3 decades of my life. The fact that I decided to move out of my house, the fact that I'm always the most unwanted amongst them... Am I so unworthy of their care?

 I'm so stressed out sometimes, but I refused to tell anyone, why?! Because I don't want anyone to worry so much about me, except me. I act as if I'm worry-free, as if I ignored every single Important matter but who knows me? More than me? Nobody cared about how I feel moving out, nobody thinks I'll feel sad or even miss this house, all they do is argue with about the things they want, things they want to move to my house, the money that may never come back, the rooms that they can want... What about me? It's like I'm supposed to leave. It's like it should have been me...

 Why am I always pushed aside to fend for myself while everyone else are kept safe in the shelter... Why am I considerate? It was just a bloody game of mahjong that I played through the night and my friends and I giggled to our jokes and you had to send a nasty message to make me feel bad? What about the times you fucking phone rings non-stop at night when you were texting your wife, while I was tired and trying to fall asleep? What about those days when your fucking alarm clock rings non-stop and you refused to get up until somebody actually wakes you up? Did I ever throw a nasty message at you? Did I even say anything to make you feel bad. It was just one night after almost 6 months of mj absence. You had to throw your tantrum. Why?

I'm sorry, but the only reason I can think of is that your wife is mad at me for not playing with her! And you are just angry with me because u feel I disrespect her. In fact, everything I do, u all feel is disrespectful. I feel pity for myself, having to compromise with such craps. Rest assure, this will be the last game in this house.

And I won't be nice anymore.

My wants - Fulfilled

As the 1st quarter of 2012 is coming to an end, many things had happened and a lot of them aren't the happiest or greatest. 

One of the thing that I had enjoyed beginning this year is being able to travel with Mr Hoo. After 5 years, he finally decided to travel with me. :) 

It was a short trip, 6 days, 5 nights but was enough already. 

Well, I wish 2012 can be a lot better. Its only a wish. Everything that has happened thus far, haven't be pleasant. Financially, emotionally, work-wise, family-wise and even with Mr Hoo.

As always, tomorrow will be a better day.

Till then. Ciao!

2nd day - Shanghai

2nd day in Shanghai. At 11.23pm, i'm still awake, charging my phone and posting. Today is actually quite ok. No funny people and things went smoothly... Ok, a few crap stuff but bearable, as always.

Had my breakfast in my hotel, the variety is awesome, a lot of chinese stuff too. Sad thing was i was sitting alone, and eating alone. its the most boring thing ever. But the food is great.

Head to hall and ya, that's my day.

Knocked off around 7pm, had dinner and went for foot reflexology, was great.

1st day of show tmr, hope things are fine. Gotta get up early tmr.

In Shanghai

Arrived in Shanghai, Pudong International Airport around 1pm this afternoon. This is my 2nd time here, and it still seem great. Like Singapore, its a everchanging place, new structures everywhere and bad traffic. Ha!

Same thing, here alone, on work trip. Checked in my hotel, do a little bit of this and that and head over to hall. Walking distance but its a 15min walk... so far......... Can't possible wear heels and walk, i will cry. haha!

Dunno why, didn't have the kind of mood to upload stuff while i was in KL and Cologne, although Cologne is due to the expensive internet. Here, I got time to come back to hotel early, washed up, and sit on the bed and typed it out.

Hotel is great, not much complains about work today, tower is up nicely. Supplier brought me out for dinner, steamboat dinner. Can you believe they serve you during steamboat, pour the food in, cooked the right way, and constand attention on individual table. The kind of pride in their work is so much better than those in Singapore. Its quite an experience. :) Steamboat place is call: 海底捞, quite a few branches in Shanghai I heard.

And just headed back to hotel early. Needed more rest today, woke up so damn early for the flight. Flight was ok, but the aircrew weren't attentive enough. O well... Not everyday is a good day right? :)

1st day in Shanghai, so far so good.

Days like these

I'm the proud co-owner of this pretty blue Honda Fit! :) Darling has sold his Altis last month and this is now officially OUR car! :) I feel comfortable driving the fit, the parking doesn't scare me so much like Altis, although I still need to brush up my skills a lot. Well, after July, Lil blue will go into JB. I'll probably ask darling to drive in for me, so i can use it when i want to. 

15 July was darling's birthday. Hmmm... I think this is the 5th time i spent darling's bd with him. I didn't prepare any gifts this year because I wanted to save money and darling dun want me to spend also. But i still did put in some effort to get him something. He don't like cakes, don't like sweet stuff, so I bought cupcakes, so he could eat 1 at least and let his family have the rest. :)

We spent his BD at his house, doing the car, shopping and feasting. Simple and nice... Although I complained it was boring.

The past week was really tiring. I don't know why but work was kind of tearing me apart, with all the little little things that was picked on. I felt so dumb in every single way. There were meetings after meetings which were so not constructive and were not comprehensive for me. :(

I cancelled a few meet ups and left the one on Friday coz i can sleep in on Sat. We went to Brewerkz, it was so nice. :) The beer i meant. Maybe its coz its the end of the work week and i was really happy the dratful week was finally over.

It is always nice to chill with the 2 of them :)

Preps for Phuket once my colleague returns from his leave. I'm excited.

When dream comes true

Sometimes when dream comes true, its not exactly the best thing. Remember I've been wanting to have a Honda Fit ever since I started knowing cars? After I got my license, I still wanted a Fit. And BT was driving a fit, I wanted it more. When the new fit came out a few years back, I still wanted the older one. And as of 27 June 2011, I'm a proud co-owner of a Honda Fit 1.3A but I wasn't that happy, excited, yes, happy? Not the most.

Why? Having my dream came true?! Hahaha!!! Firstly, its the thought of paying the monthly installment (although i'm paying 1/4 of it only) and the parking and the interior. Hahahaha!!! I need a freaking reverse camera which caused somewhere between $200 to a few thousands.

Just bought the season parking and because my house already got 2 vehicles (Papa and 2kor ones), I cannot get the open carpark at my place, I could only be given the multi storey carpark some 5min walk away, and it caused $90......... Sigh......... Darling bought the coupons and cash card which costs $50. Soon, he will be bringing it for car wash and the rest of the ja ba lang stuff. Good thing he was smart enough to get the dealer to put full tank of petrol, otherwise, its another cost.

FYI, its an OPC, means I could only use it from 7am to 7pm and full days on Sat and Sun. Bf gonna sell off his J-plate car soon! Then our Fit will go into JB! Yeah! No more season parking.

Some will think its stupid to buy a S-plate car and put it in JB but the thing is my lovely bf loves his home country, and his family, so he always travels back home after work (about 40min drive/ride), and once he receives his PR status which is estimated to be known by the end of the year, he can't drive a J plate anymore, so his main means of transport will be his bike and the S plate car.

His usual practice is ride bike during weekdays (saves money and less hassle on the traffic) and drives during weekends, so he's gonna maintain that with the Fit.

Many plans ahead, difficult journey but we're slowly getting there.

Russian Standard

A visit from the organizer of the show in Russia, Moscow which my colleague will be heading over this September. Gonna be quite a good exposure I think, considering the background of this country. I would love to join but can't. Another show in KL 1 week after this one.

Anyway, the organizer who is from NZ is a very nice and friendly guy. He brought Russian Vodka to our office early 10am. And offered us to drink a small sip early in the morning. The alcohol is not too bad, very smooth to the throat and you can feel the dryness shortly after.

Its called the Russian Standard.

听你说 - 郁可唯&林凡

我挺开心你为努力生活。

和你们分享要的每一秒钟。

如果难过你的肩膀最辽阔。

你帮我带走乌云满布的天空。

如果生活少了有你陪我。

我整天开着手机也感到失落。

因为我们都最想看到彼此灿烂的笑容。

我懂星座却没有人想我，

真的喜欢一个人安静的自由。

我做的梦我坚持做到最后。

就算我爬到云端也继续做梦。

我唱的歌只希望能快乐。

其它我也不想要想的太多。

因为我们都最想，拥有自己最真的感动。

听你说，听你说。

我们同时拥有一个真心的朋友。

要日出日落，因为有梦，所以更认真生活。

听你说，听你说。

我们真实拥有一片美好的的天空。

不能常联络却更紧握我们交换的美梦。

只想听你说。

我懂星座却没有人想我，

真的喜欢一个人安静的自由。

我做的梦我坚持做到最后。

就算我爬到云端也继续做梦。

我唱的歌只希望能快乐。

其它我也不想要想的太多。

因为我们都最想，拥有自己最真的感动。

听你说，听你说。

我们同时拥有一个真心的朋友。

要日出日落，因为有梦，所以更认真生活。

听你说，听你说。

我们真实拥有一片美好的的天空。

不能常联络却更紧握我们交换的美梦。

只想听你说。

听你说，听你说。

我们同时拥有一个真心的朋友。

听你说，听你说。

我们同时拥有一个真心的朋友。

要日出日落，因为有梦，所以更认真生活。

听你说，听你说。

我们同时拥有一个真心的朋友。

要日出日落，因为有梦，所以更认真生活。

听你说，听你说。

我们真实拥有一片美好的的天空。

听你说，听你说。

不能常联络却更紧握我们交换的美梦。

只想听你说……

Break-away

Been considering for too long for a trip away from the country. Not for work this time, for leisure, at my own expenses. But I kept struggling over and over on the amount of money spent. Once gone, forever gone and I need to save up again. However, after looking at my accounts and the rest of the year, I decided I should. Been wanting to have a trip away, but it never came true. This time, I'm determined to have one.


Not going with Mr Hoo, not XT but with Ling Hui. Wahahahah!!! Its the last week of her holiday and ta da, we decided to go to Thailand, Phuket!!!!

We have booked ourselves 2 Tiger Airways tix with 15kg baggage and a Twin room at Sugar Palm Grand Hillside which reviews are not too bad.

hotelthailand.com

Can't wait for August to come!!! I'm gonna have lots of sun, sand and ALCOHOL!!! :)

I think this break is necessary after so long. Don't wanna regret not going anywhere for some fun. :)

Back date to my birthday 2011

Needless to say, my birthday this year is simple and quiet. It also marks the 1st year anniversary of darling's proposal. :)

I met up with Ting and Hui one of the nights before my birthday and Hui took us to this place called 15min Cafe. Pretty impressive servers they have - dun even need a pen and paper to write down the orders, they just memorise everything.

We were all damn hungry when we arrived and yes, we over-ordered and were forcing our stomach to take in more. Ting, the usual cheater, never eat her share of food! Hahahaaha!!!

We met Leoric Mok. Hee~ Our primary school classmate. :)

Gonna say this again, the 3 of us, been through pretty much since our Primary school days, on and off, friends and not, until today, we've come to realise how much we have played a part in each others' life, not a lot, but that part, its enough.

To my beloved Wang Xueting and Toh Ling Hui, thanks for being a part of my life. A decade and counting...

On my birthday morning, apart from all the rush from hospital and home, I saw a big pink box on my table at home. My 2kor and his gf bought a simple pressie for me. Etude House fragrance. Its quite nice, works on the hair too.

A quick meet up with Wen and Joan for our long awaited ice cream date! Hahaa!!! We had dinner at Tonkichi or something like that and headed to Cold Stone Creamery at Orchard Central! Hee~ I had this ice cream for the 1st time at Dubai, and the servers were throwing the ice creams everywhere, playing plenty of tricks with it. To have it again in Singapore, its different, with my Poly pals, even more different. Thanks, girls!

With aiai, our usual birthday treats to each other. How cute, we are getting very rountine already. We had Suki Sushi buffet and OMG, they got everything on the menu!!!! hahaha!!! We were like feasting on raw meat and eggs and raw meat and eggs... Hahahaha!!! Loves Ai!

Something's missing huh? I did celebrate with my darling on my birthday itself. But because I spent most of the day in the hospital that day, we only had a simple dinner at Vivocity. We had Brotzeit. Ordered plenty of sausages and salad and wedges... I rmbed i was sick then, coughing and coughing... Then Darling and I went shopping in Vivo. I bought a pair of heels from Mitju as a birhday gift for myself. 

Not photos taken because there was no mood for it. But I'm glad, it was all enough for me.

Happy 23rd Ms Teo!

The simplest memory...

Life must go on

Its gonna take quite a while to accept the fact that my Ah Mah is gone for good. It weird you know. Like how we all live life as usual after everything but those little bits and pieces of stuff can always trigger those memories.

Taking a train to work and out of no where, there's just this familiarity there, and I couldn't help but remember her presence.

I never thought I could be so affected by Ah Mah's passing. Back then, i will think about the time when my parents had to go, and I always feel that I won't be too much affected but now, even when its Ah mah, that feeling is so strong. When she was in the hospital, i was still telling myself that this is life cycle and we have to accept it but my first reaction when i was told ah mah left, was nothing but tears...

I find those feelings lingering in me so fascinating, so weird in a way. But, life must go on.

Yes, those memories keep coming back, but ah mah will never come back. She was a strong woman, from when the time i had memory of her, she brought up her kids well, and she was very strict towards many things. But now that she is gone, we must not let those things pull us back, she won't want us to do that either.

And I will never forget that last journey we walked through with you.. That butterfly that linger on the van with your casket, I hope it was Ah Gong holding your hand...


Work
So... As life goes back to being normal again, I went back to work, back in office, colleagues were preparing for SFE. Really exhausted. That weekend, it was 12-13 hours daily for 5 days. Although we have our free time but ya, it was still real tiring with people continuously coming back and forth.

Work has become very routine, after 1.5yrs... I kept getting "arrowed" for no reason, sometimes over minor issues, and it definitely doesn't help when my colleague decided not to help. I know, this kind of thing, its always better to not bother. I understand that.

I know everywhere got this kind of problem. but when pay isn't really much and had to put up with such craps, it just gets tougher.

Anyway, I'm gonna do my best! And we'll see how everything goes.

Family
With Ah mah's passing, it also meant plenty of changes. Old people say no celebration of any sort for i'm not sure how long, that includes wedding. But Da kor had already paid his deposit for his banquet for October this year. I'm not sure what is their decision now but the last I heard was postponing to next year, any time later, they will forfeit their deposit which is like so scheming lor!

With Da kor's wedding, many things are gonna happen or change at home. Their BTO will only come in 2 to 3 years time, so after their wedding, they decided to move into our house, which kind of meant that 2kor and i had to share a room. 2kor dun like the idea mostly because we're all grown up, and I'm a girl and he is also already married. Too much inconvenience, so to speak.

From my point of view, it really doesn't matter, because even if that happens, its gonna be for 1 or 2 years only, but its kind of a very big thing for my 2kor.

I thought of moving out, but this is not as feasible or easy as I thought.

After plenty of brainstorming and arguements between many people in my family, my 2kor& his wife decided to move out. They wanted to buy a resale at first but after calculation felt its not possible, then going back and forth, back and forth..................... they finally decided to move to my 2sao's mother's place for 1year.

Well, its not exactly that bad but from certain point, its not good at all. I shall not go into too much details.

When kids grow old and are not financially that rich, really have many such problem. Especially for a family like ours.

Love
It was also quite a good choice although with much disappointment previously about the ROM matter but because the original date was pushed back, ah mah's matter didn't clash with anything. Otherwise, it would have.

Anyway, Mr Hoo and I came to a consensus of saving up plenty of money before we do anything else. But due to his nationality, a lot of things need to put into consideration.

So, our 1st step, to sell off his J-plate, and get a S-plate car, something afforadable and convenient and of course to his family's liking (complain: although they are not paying anything for it). We've been slowly sourcing for a good car since a couple of weeks ago, it really has been a tedious process.

http://lifestyle.sg.88db.com/road-test-chevrolet-aveo5-1-4-a/

Our 2nd step, signed our life off to each other but this has to wait for at least after 49 days after ah mah's passing. Then, get papa's good agreement then we'll head to the newly renovated ROM to do the necessary.

Yup, I had the proposal ring sat in my room for quite a while now. And have yet to review our engagement ring, which he kept in secret. Hee~

After that, we'll save plenty of money to get ready for our house and our wedding. Look out for BTO along the way or check out on resale. We'll see la.

By the time I'm 25 and he's 37, we will officially become husband&wife.

I hope nothing will go wrong because all these while, he has really been a good boyfriend, not the best, but a good one, and that's enough for me, coz the good will go a long long way.
----
When there is really nothing more left in store, the heart stops holding faith... It takes just one thing, one earth-shaking incident to give one a whole new perspective of life...  

Never knew it would come so soon

Never knew it would come so soon

When it came

All I was left with was those memories we used to share

Every single bit of smiles I ever had

All the bad Hokkiens I tried to bring across

Even the Hacks sweet that was always on the kitchen table

The tiles I ran when I was so little back in the Clementi Home

When I had no cousins, just my brothers, just our family

You saw us grew up

You played a part

The times when you came to my place and helped with the house work

When papa mama quarrelled, you always scream at them

When I was performing on stage, you were there watching

My first ever plane ride, you were with me

I always look forward to say "gong xi fa cai" during Chinese New Year

Those times when you'd scold me when mama complain to you

When we grew up, and we frequent your place lesser

It still feels the same when you smile and held my hand

"Ai Ping ah" you would called out and I will smile back at you

The times when we visited Ah gong's grave, when you would teared but stayed strong

You always choose and pick your food

Sometimes you complain about your son's wife

Most times when you dote on your grandchildren

The times when you were strong while waiting to be treated

You stayed strong

papa always asked me to give you a call before I take off to any countries

We always say the same thing, you'd ask me to take care, I'd ask you to rest plenty

You were so sick but you still recognized me, you still held my hand, you still waved goodbye

Those images of you flashing right in front of me

so vividly

Those last moments

The times I stayed awake to finish this journey with you

for the last time

I was so tired, but I couldn't sleep

Those images playing over and over

Unable to accept the fact that you are gone

No more calls to tell you I'm flying

No more scoldings from you when I do wrong things

No more "Ah mah, rest plenty"

Ah mah, I thought you will be fine...

I thought you will spend more times with us

I thought...

But I'm glad you left painless, you left without struggle... I'm glad you slept off...

Ah Mah, 慢慢走，我们都会好好...

Set adrift on memory bliss

Too long isn't it? Left this space dead a a few months now, and can you believe that its May already? I was in Dubai and back, to Seoul and back. Fast leh! Hahaha!!!

The shows were all good, but as usual, tiring and hectic. Dubai was pretty stressful but revisiting those places i've been to 1 year ago was really like, "hey, i'm back, things are the same!" but of coz, there're some stuff which were different already. Its nice to go back there, with new colleagues and counterparts. New explorations, new experiences. I went to Dubai Mall again, where the huge aquarium was, and it cracked the last time i was there, and saw the musical fountain, was so beautiful.

I had quite a few meals of TGIF and many photo shoots with my colleague and boss. And I met a scandal again! Hee~

Some pics to share...

And then i was in Seoul. Gotten sick after the 1st day of landing, it was terrible. Seoul was 12 degree and below and everyday, its just so cold, too cold for me. The cold caught up with me and bugged me till I landed in Singapore.

My dear bff, better known as Hui joined me on this journey, but she had a much much better time than me, which I'm really happy for her. Afterall, i'm there to work, and she's there for holiday! She went out walking alone, PROUD of her, *clapS* We had quite some good food, spent money and just shop!!!

Its really a shoppers' paradise, would love to go again, for leisure the next time.

Great exhibitors with great feedbacks about the show, so i'm glad. Just pissed off by the contractor but I shall not penalised them on what someone else did.

Overall, Seoul is great, if not for the fact that i was sick, it would've been way better!

And as life settles back in Singapore, there was the Election which was something everyone had to talk about. Many views and many perspective but its over, and life has to go on.

Pondering

Today, i feel, i'm getting old, like really getting old. Its April now, and my Birthday is coming. Another year older than the last. sigh....

I'm flying off to Seoul this weekend. Thinking about the trips i've been to ever since i joined the association. I feel really lucky and at the same time, not. Seeing all the real things happening around me, starting to lose that skill of survival. And dishearten by the facts surfacing everywhere. The government that I respected started to show their flaws, and its painful to see that.

Loving all the trips, taking each like a milestone reached but i dun think i can do this for long. Nothing really to be envious of, its just as hard as staying in Singapore doing the same thing over and over. Yet, i am telling myself to JIA YOU and have fun with all of it.

My friends aren't doing well in love, neither am i. Seeing those breakups hurts just as much, thinking back and recalling how they've loved but no longer doing so now. Its funny how people changed that fast, how those ideals suddenly switched tracks and how one has to put up with it and carry on with life.

I don't think i can do that.

Mr Eddie Hoo has been lousy and like my work, i'm trying to put them at the back of my head and ignore them for a while.

Smile, World. It'll be very much better.

Down fall

Recently, i'm starting to feel that everything is not going smoothly. Every single thing that is happening doesn't have a good ending. Be it work, love or family. Making me feel like giving things up.

Was busy the last week covering duties for one of my colleague because he was overseas for work. Was at Pines for 1.5 days, and it kind of sux. The whole thing planned was turned upside down, the association incurred more expenses for the entire thing. I had to be shouted at for something stupid, and feeling awfully down throughout the weekend.

In love, eddie has decided to not do anything at the moment, all the effort i've put in has gone to waste and somehow, its my fault. Because i wanted a proper ROM ceremony, because i couldn't leave in Msia after marriage, because he is the only son, because i am the only daughter.... Seems like i'm a selfish bitch who is forcing him to do everything he never wanted.

In family, kept feeling that i'm being short changed because of my brothers. They really get what they wanted, really, everyone is on their side, but they feel like everything is in a mess. They are lucky, they can have everything they want, but me? Nobody seem to be looking out for wad i want.

See... Life is in a mess, everything is going down...

Photos which i dunno how to turn them around

Some photo logs from Valentine's to CNY to before i flew off to Dubai. I'm so outdated but recently been really busy with work, and life.

One thing i'm glad is, I don't feel tired doing the things I do, i don't complain that i'm too tired to do something (except when i've got period), I actually wanna do the things i wanna do. :)

Here, photos tells you. (Speaking of photos, I'm aiming for a better camera!)