Just needed to write out some thoughts about many of the things happening recently. Its been pretty chaotic as far as i'm aware. Things all packed together, but I don't know, I think i'm still having quite a good time despite all the stress.
Firstly, got our house. Its quite ironic, how i'm the last to apply for a flat but am getting it first. Of course, this didn't come easy. It took so much out of me just to make things right. You know, sometimes, i just don't feel worth it, doing all these things, because no one really appreciates them. Sometimes, I actually feel like i'm alone, facing all hell.
From last september through to now, hasn't been the smoothest journey. Time and again, i've been reminded how important others' feelings are, and how much I should give in to others. Yet until today, i feel, everything that i am doing, i'm doing for others, for the benefit of others. Of course, being with the one i love, achieving a house of my own, are my ultimate aims, but it just wasn't as easy as it seems.
I wish, there comes a day when everyone would just agree with my choice.
Well, that said, getting a house is still a happy thing for me. I must say, and I must complain about not having enough money for anything and that kind of strained darling and my relationship a little. I feel like a fool each time i put in so much effort when at the end of the day, its just totally brushed aside by him. He always thinks that its fine to just say something irresponsibly and expects people to agree with him, but he never thought about the consequences, and definitely not the impact on me. Then again, I can't really blame him. He has his concerns. i just hope, he can be a little bit more sensitive towards my feelings.
Next, starting my degree soon! I'm happy too. You know, after dragging it for soooo long, i am finally able to take that big step to enrol for the course.
Then, there are a lot of people jeering about it. I actually need to keep a secret about going to study, just so people won't know, and they won't say. Its just crap. I'm like stuck in this modern cum traditional world, that gray area.
Seriously, why would anyone feel that way about others, like why do I not deserve the opportunity i yearn for and that i can achieve.
I keep asking myself, why do i allow all of the above to affect me so badly, why do i feel so stressed out because of wad others think?
I feel so tired sometimes, having to accommodate to everyone but no one accommodates for me.
Just the other day, I stopped and took a good look around my house for the past 24 years, and there was an overwhelming sensation... All of a sudden, I need to leave, hastily... Didn't even have time to say goodbye...
