Unable to smile...

I haven't been in an exactly good mood the last few days. For some reasons, i've been feeling rather down. I really dunno wad is it that is bothering me so much.

On Wednesday, i went up to do service with Siqi, nothing seemed to be a problem, we didn't do badly together, and we do compromise as well. However, something was lacking, not in our partnership but something is lacking within myself. I was feeling kind of tensed up there. While standing at one side during one of those rare free times, Chris suddenly approached me and said, "Apple, wad happen to u these few days, u dun look good, u r not smiling..." I looked at him with a stunned look. 1st of all, i didn't know he was noticing so much, 2nd of all, i didn't know my feeling down looked so obvious in his eyes or perharps in many, it's just that they dun wanna say so. So i smiled to him and told him, i'm ok... There's plenty of things to tell him if i want to but somehow i chose not to coz the outcome is still the same.

I stopped talking to Chris and Lau last few days, i tried to avoid long conversations with them, i dun wanna stir any anger in them or in any ways say any wrong things, dunnoe y i'm doing so though, i'm just doing it. I'm trying to keep my distance from them, for wad? i dunnoe.

Ivan came today and i was stunned coz he's not wearing suit. I thought who is so bold as to sit on his chair and used his computer, then i realised it's him lah... K, i kind of miss having him in the office, coz at least he's the only one who i can joke around with and wun be afraid of saying the wrong, no politics to hide from him. But well, having him in the Office can be quite difficult to work too...

Anyway, i do appreciate everyone's concern bout my not laughing and smiling enough, probably not at work, smiling used to be my forte but nowadays, it's hard to bring my smile out. That's wad i told Chris too...probably coz i'm leaving or perharps, coz i'm starting school or maybe coz i'm growing up a little bit too fast...Probably, Perharps, Maybe... Nothing is definite at this point for me. I just know, i'll missed everything...

I am disappointed somehow with pple's performance... But then i told myself not to care anymore... Maybe this is y it's hurting me too... However, i did not restrain myself from trying to work things out. Sad to say, nothing is going right... I'm losing it once more... Soon, it'll be gone and i hope a new system will come and made things better in future.

I wonder wad is 2kor doing now... He must be complaining to himself bout he's BOTA hair... Hee~ Hopefully the 1st day has been good for him...

CiAo!