Happiness is?

This year seems like a good year for some of the tangible things in life. Mr Hoo got his PR, and we got our house. I'm glad we got the house... Very happy actually.

However, good things never come alone. Its accompanied by the bad ones. My eldest bro is getting married end of the year. In a way, my moving out of the house is a necessary move, to make way for them and for my 2nd bro. Didn't really expect things to move so fast. Applied for house in Mar 2012, and i think by Sep/Oct 2012, we'll be able to get the keys. This also means, we're gonna be in debt for almost the rest of our lives (as of now, until we re-finance), and i'm really stressed up by that.

Trying my best to still look fine, feel fine and just like the past 10 years of my life, pretend I don't care. Pretence, yes. For the past 10 years, regardless of what happened, I act as if i don't care, all I cared about was myself, is still myself. Apparently, everybody thinks i'm made of metal, and i am emotionless. They all think i'm fine with the things they say, the things that they go overboard with. The fact is, I let it go but that doesn't mean I don't remember.

Whatever have I done wrong to deserve hurtful words from everyone? Why should I be the one to have fingers pointing at me saying bad things about me?  Why don't I deserve a word of blessing? Why are there no one who can shower me with words of care? Why as the youngest one, i'm always being pushed one side to fend for myself? Why dont I have brothers who dote on me? Why don't I have parents who thinks i'm good enough?

Its been forever, running after that kind of love which I can't feel.... And when i decided i found it somewhere, no one supports me... No one ever did... But i'm happy though... really happy.

I don't need anyone to sabotage this. I kept quiet, I merely don't care...

Seriously, if you have done something wrong, you make up to it, you don't act, you seriously don't. Perhaps I shouldn't have cut that queue, but I don't think its wrong. Maybe you feel that its wrong... But I'm sorry, I wouldn't have change my mind if i'm given a chance to all over again. You are not wrong, you have your concerns but that, I don't really care.

I'm moving out already, let me move out peacefully. I don't need your help, don't need no ones' help... I can do it by myself, peacefully. I will move out without self-pity, without feeling unwanted, I will leave this house for the rest of you...

I will still do my part as a daughter, that's all.

why did you stab me in my heart and twist the knife so hard? why can't all of you just leave me alone? just leave me alone...