Its gonna take quite a while to accept the fact that my Ah Mah is gone for good. It weird you know. Like how we all live life as usual after everything but those little bits and pieces of stuff can always trigger those memories.
Taking a train to work and out of no where, there's just this familiarity there, and I couldn't help but remember her presence.
I never thought I could be so affected by Ah Mah's passing. Back then, i will think about the time when my parents had to go, and I always feel that I won't be too much affected but now, even when its Ah mah, that feeling is so strong. When she was in the hospital, i was still telling myself that this is life cycle and we have to accept it but my first reaction when i was told ah mah left, was nothing but tears...
I find those feelings lingering in me so fascinating, so weird in a way. But, life must go on.
Yes, those memories keep coming back, but ah mah will never come back. She was a strong woman, from when the time i had memory of her, she brought up her kids well, and she was very strict towards many things. But now that she is gone, we must not let those things pull us back, she won't want us to do that either.
And I will never forget that last journey we walked through with you.. That butterfly that linger on the van with your casket, I hope it was Ah Gong holding your hand...
Work
So... As life goes back to being normal again, I went back to work, back in office, colleagues were preparing for SFE. Really exhausted. That weekend, it was 12-13 hours daily for 5 days. Although we have our free time but ya, it was still real tiring with people continuously coming back and forth.
Work has become very routine, after 1.5yrs... I kept getting "arrowed" for no reason, sometimes over minor issues, and it definitely doesn't help when my colleague decided not to help. I know, this kind of thing, its always better to not bother. I understand that.
I know everywhere got this kind of problem. but when pay isn't really much and had to put up with such craps, it just gets tougher.
Anyway, I'm gonna do my best! And we'll see how everything goes.
Family
With Ah mah's passing, it also meant plenty of changes. Old people say no celebration of any sort for i'm not sure how long, that includes wedding. But Da kor had already paid his deposit for his banquet for October this year. I'm not sure what is their decision now but the last I heard was postponing to next year, any time later, they will forfeit their deposit which is like so scheming lor!
With Da kor's wedding, many things are gonna happen or change at home. Their BTO will only come in 2 to 3 years time, so after their wedding, they decided to move into our house, which kind of meant that 2kor and i had to share a room. 2kor dun like the idea mostly because we're all grown up, and I'm a girl and he is also already married. Too much inconvenience, so to speak.
From my point of view, it really doesn't matter, because even if that happens, its gonna be for 1 or 2 years only, but its kind of a very big thing for my 2kor.
I thought of moving out, but this is not as feasible or easy as I thought.
After plenty of brainstorming and arguements between many people in my family, my 2kor& his wife decided to move out. They wanted to buy a resale at first but after calculation felt its not possible, then going back and forth, back and forth..................... they finally decided to move to my 2sao's mother's place for 1year.
Well, its not exactly that bad but from certain point, its not good at all. I shall not go into too much details.
When kids grow old and are not financially that rich, really have many such problem. Especially for a family like ours.
Love
It was also quite a good choice although with much disappointment previously about the ROM matter but because the original date was pushed back, ah mah's matter didn't clash with anything. Otherwise, it would have.
Anyway, Mr Hoo and I came to a consensus of saving up plenty of money before we do anything else. But due to his nationality, a lot of things need to put into consideration.
So, our 1st step, to sell off his J-plate, and get a S-plate car, something afforadable and convenient and of course to his family's liking (complain: although they are not paying anything for it). We've been slowly sourcing for a good car since a couple of weeks ago, it really has been a tedious process.
Our 2nd step, signed our life off to each other but this has to wait for at least after 49 days after ah mah's passing. Then, get papa's good agreement then we'll head to the newly renovated ROM to do the necessary.
Yup, I had the proposal ring sat in my room for quite a while now. And have yet to review our engagement ring, which he kept in secret. Hee~
After that, we'll save plenty of money to get ready for our house and our wedding. Look out for BTO along the way or check out on resale. We'll see la.
By the time I'm 25 and he's 37, we will officially become husband&wife.
I hope nothing will go wrong because all these while, he has really been a good boyfriend, not the best, but a good one, and that's enough for me, coz the good will go a long long way.
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When there is really nothing more left in store, the heart stops holding faith... It takes just one thing, one earth-shaking incident to give one a whole new perspective of life...
