Well, i guess i should get over everything? Sudden surge of pressure came over me last night although i believe that it will come back again later on or tomorrow when i feel that i haven't prepared much. It's just the lack of confident and the disappearance of my pillar of support which used to be the whole 5A1 class, the different teachers and definitely myself. Well, i should face up to the fact that those were the past and i should start to slowly build up those pillars again. Slowly, bit by bit...
Went to school today and i was fortunate enough to find a table of empty seats at the atrium, so i waited for the rest to join us. Out of no where, this malay girl just sat down in front of me without even asking, Hello, politeness please, at least give some gesture that u wanna sit on a place where someone was. Am i invisible??? Then, her friend came, sat down next to her, and she looked at me like i'm some sort of weirdo... I was so pissed off oK... Then came another friend, and guess wad, none asked b4 they sat down. I was there 1st ok? Not that i'm being juvenile to compete for who came 1st or anything but at least have the courtesy to ask b4 u sit down. I was so pissed u know... I stared at the 3 of them so many times and they just looked at me like i was the one who came after them. OMG! So pissed, so i just stood up and walk away with a real pissed face... SO IMPOLITE... PiSsed...
Anyway, CIP paper is over, man, am i glad it's over. Well, not that confident with all the answers but i know the answers are somewhere there... No worries, will be able to pass this paper... Yup... The upcoming one will be tough... BSTA paper... Hai.. Jia You i guess...
Well, i woke up this morning and i looked into the mirror and realised my hair looks so ugly... Hai... Like i'm so dependent on rebonding... HA! Well, maybe a change of hairstyle is a good idea. Anticipating the 10th of Sept. However, want it earlier... Hai... Darl described to me, that he will be test on, cutting, washing, perming... If i'm not wrong that's it. He's so excited bout making my hair curl while i'm just excited bout cutting my hair. HAHA!!! But he said if i dun like the perm, he'll do the rebond back for me... Hope he holds onto his words... Ha! Oooo... He wanna give me a bread which Andy bought just now but i refused to take. Like hello, stop stuffing pastries to me, they're all flours... GoSh... And i begged NO NO NO for like so long, and he kept grabbing my bag and grabbing my hand, so i shouted for mad's help but mad just said, "i can't see anything" Idiot... HA!!! VK got new name card again, yaya, that's the one that Richard asked me to comment on the other time... Ya... Looks Ok... HAHA!!! But i still like the 1st one that i grabbed onto... Classic...
Anyway, i left after Richard came back from his relaxation. So beat after all the thoughts i had last night and the lackof sleep...
Sometimes, i really feel like walking away from everything... Leave home?HA! But where can i live? Singapore is so small, i can be found within 2,3 days... Ha! That is if i really run away from home which is another "ridiculous" and impossible thing to say... Wadever... I guess after all my thinking, reflection or wadever u wanna call it, i'm still myself. A part of this life with my family and friends.
I found myself trapped in a maze that I single-handedly create myself... At first, I know u were there to guide me through, even if I am lost, I know you will be there, by my side to overcome every single obstacle with me but all of a sudden, without warning, u walked away, and left me wondering in the dark dark world. I can't seem to find the way out of it, not without your hand, not without your smiles... Y must u walk off? Even the rain shows that it is subsiding... Y didn't you show me anything?
Even when it's all over, u told me u cannot let me go... You dun wanna stop your touches on me. You do not wanna put a halt to everything. You told me how much u miss me, u told me u want me to be by your side, you kissed me ever so deeply...
How to just make you my friend again? Why does my heart follows u but my mind follows the truth? Are u such a sensation that mesmerized my heart with all of you... How come I still feel you? Friend... Can I make you my friend at all?
对自己的承诺， 因为你都破裂了... 放手的那一刻， 我告诉自己要学着放弃。但放了手却不代表放弃你... 每一天都在一点， 一点地放松。直到今天， 我发现， 放走的只是对你的思念而不是对你的爱... 说要放弃却发现， 一点儿也放弃不了... 放手只是不想你难做， 放手只是让自己觉得已经没有再伤害别人， 你， 和自己。 虽然已没常见面但感觉依然存在，仍期盼下一次的见面， 但下次却可能只有在梦里... 看到手机里的每一句词，感受到从一开始的甜蜜，到最后的一句, 还以为就如此停止了， 没想到却持续到如今离人之间延续的暧昧... 说我不想你， 只是在怜悯自己， 因为我知道心里从未忘了你替我寻回的笑容与给我的爱... 没了你真的好像没了自己...
我们是否还在欺骗自己？是我们都放不了吗？还是我们只想一直继续这场没有结局的游戏？
你对我说过：“放弃？ 让它随风而逝？ 继续？ 让时间证明一切？” 我回答：“放弃？真的能随风而去？ 继续？ 寻找未知数？”
显然的，我放弃不了，但也无法继续了．．． 我们都很清楚．．．
一场难舍难分的游戏 － 爱的绝择
I don't even know am I pretending...
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