Sick and tired of trying...

I'm sick and tired of trying to make my family feels right... I'm sick of hearing quarrels everyday b4 i sleep. I sick of my mother's nagging... I'm sick of my father's drinking... I'm sick of my brothers' luxury... i'm sick of them... Sometimes, i dunno y, yes, maybe i'm the youngest and they care for me most but caring and overprotecting are 2 utterly different things... I hate it when my ma tries to tell me that everything i do is wrong. She just wanna find fault in wadever i do. Y must i be the one keeping the laundry when i wear the least clothes? Y am i the one when they used to go to school they dun? Y must i be obligated to be there when they are not? WHY?! I am jealous of them being able to be wad they are and still gets praises, i'm sick of being the best in all else except for theirs... I HATE being in this environment... Should i just give up?! I really want to... I really do... I am drained... There's more problems, but i think these are enough for blog...

Hai... I met up with the very sick Xueting today... I dunno bout her, i just want a company... Someone to pei me for a while... I know she dunnoe that but that's wad i'm looking for. Though i didn't say anything... I dun usually say anything lah... I dun feel like saying anything either. I just want someone to be by my side. SHe happened to be the one, the very sick one.

I'm tired of going on this way... Been trying to stay up and feel alright, to go out as usual and to laugh like i always do. Like i felt b4, i haven't been smiling like i used to... I lost the ability to smile. Many pple try to make me smile but i just can't. Not even Eddie... Eddie stepping into my life is almost a miracle, coz i never thought he would and i would accept his entrance. Probably i was moved by his touches... He's unlike Desmond, Billy, Firdaus and Rusdi... Different... I found something in him that i wanna know more... However, the last few days had been tough to get by. I tried my best to help my sister through hers, now that it's over, i am relieved. Well, poly life ain't that fun at all... Even though it made me cherish my old friends more, it brought us apart too...

Too many scandals in my life... I wanna stop it... I have pple coming up to me to tell me that they wanna find the answer with me when i barely talk to them more than 5 times... Y? Do i look so wanna be loved or am i that charming? Please... I am not... I feel so disgusted by these pple... Such craps...

Can i just lay low once more and shut up everything in my life except for studies, myself, my pals and him?! It's such a selfish thought...

Thanks for coming into my life but I'm not sure is this the right time...