Weird of me to be in here at this time of the day huh? Well, feel like blogging now, dun wanna come here tonight, wanna complete more Production schedule instead of browsing the web.
Erm... " Life is always full of people that make things wrong. But they are also the ones who make life so much sweeter and enjoyable." How does it sound? True enough, life is full of pple who make things look like there's never an ending but they are also the ones who make this long run the most amazing one. Hai... Early in the morning, received a msg that kind of touched me... O my... Very bad to receive this kind of stuff at this time... However, i didn't say much. A promise is always a promise, never meant to be broken. Hai.. It is not just to pple who cares bout me, but also to myself, my own pride and dignity. Dun really have to degrade myself to that point. Very confused bout the things that are going on. Hai.... Look, it's getting no where...
There's 2 mock papers today. I supposed i'm gonna fail my SS paper... Wah lao... I got one whole question not done lor! Like 7 marks leh... sad lah.... Then Chinese leh... Gonna do badly this time, coz it is always the 1st part that boost my spirit but then, the 1st part, out of 5 i got 4 not sure... See... Cannot lah... That's y, dun wanna come in tonight liao... Gonna bury myself in revision today till 11 then do D&T.
Just found out that there's Chemistry practical tml, or should i say, Miss Wang only told us today. Sian lah... It's not that the lesson is sian, it's that i got work ar... And the practical is like until 4 which i think will definitely drag to 4.30 de lor... Sick... Then working at 6 wor... Hai... Dead meat... Might just be going down straight. Hopefully my bag is big enough to put my skirt and T... Hai... Can't expect myself to skip the lesson which i will never do, coz i kind of enjoy playing with the chemicals, hee~ And well, prelim nearing rmb? Dun wanna disappoint myself any further.
To express:
It is not everyday when you get to know something u don't. Sometimes, u purged your thoughts so much in search of an answer to some unknown questions. However, all seems to be to no avail. Then, there will be something that comes along and bring u further down.
You feel unloved in some ways, unappreciated for wad you try to do, uncertain bout the path you are taking and most importantly, unable to know wad exactly went wrong. It is not about who made it or y it went wrong, it is how it went wrong.
While resolving this uncertainty, you found out more, more than you wanna know and it is never pleasant to be kept in the dark. Sometimes, you closed one eye so as to avoid being continuously or openly mocked at, but deep within it's hurting just too much. You need someone to listen to wad you have to say but somehow, no one around you can be trusted or should i say, they seem like they can be, but they couldn't.
You see, people aren't born with everything, at every phase of life, they learned, gained knowledge, gained more exposure, but sometimes, they become so cunning, so much so that they didn't even realised. I wish, i wasn't there.. Always...
Some strangers sleep in my heart, unknowingly, they woke up, and take wad they want, leave when it's unexplained. It always hurt to see someone leave especially those that meant so much.
Am i a dreamer? Someone who locked my faith inside? Now, I'm climbing the walls.
Suddenly everything comes alive, i got to explain myself for wad happened, i need to let pple know that i am fine. I need to be worried by someone else. Guilt filled my body, crimson my face turned, still, i have to contemplate, to mull over the faults that i made, to make them right...
It is not as if i did anything deadly? Not anything like murder. Somehow, i betrayed myself, my thoughts, my pride, my dignity as a human being.
You see, i'm always a fighter, but sometimes, a fighter will fall from their place, lost their shield, dropped their weapon and then killed. Without having any backups, a tough fighter will also fail. At the end of the day, i'm still human, made of flesh and blood... And emotions.
Another turning point against the rushing tide, against all the rights and wrongs, but i believe no matter wad, good or bad, happy or sad, alone or accompanied, i will continue, moving along this path that i chose. A path of uncertainty....
I pray that this will help me leave the past behind.
I am still me.
So dark, so mysteriously... The life of me being a human, a mischievious brad, an implusive talker, a risk-taking fool, an emotional girl, and not to forget, a skeptical kid.
(How's my english? Hee~)
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