Monday, January 24, 2011
Almost
I am almost ready to give it all up... All the sacrifaces were nothing in your eyes... I'm tired of being stuck in the middle, tired of trying too hard, tired of finding stupid excuses... I'm tired of being so tired...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
不想说了
我真的不想再说了。为什么你总要为了他们来责罚我们？
我们已经够多烦恼了。
为什么当我已经准备好咽下这一切，你却要去跟他说？难到你的最终目标也是象他们，要把我们拆散？你忍心吗？
也许你可以，毕竟，你们认为的将会成为事实因为你们认为！
I'm sick and tired of all your craps! Wadever you say is wad u feel, u are just playing mind games with me and my boyfriend. I know you too well, and that's the very reason why it hurts so badly in my heart...
My rational mind is running out of balance and I swear I will leave. I dun want to face a group of hypocrites even my brothers even their wife to be! The care that you are giving is way too much for me to comprehend and I will comprehend no more. I will take off because that is for my own good.
My family are all that matters to me, and if you all choose not to believe me anymore, there's no more reason for me to be here. I dun care wad my aunty my grandma my uncle says, all that natters are you. But apparently I lost faith.
I am on my own.
我们已经够多烦恼了。
为什么当我已经准备好咽下这一切，你却要去跟他说？难到你的最终目标也是象他们，要把我们拆散？你忍心吗？
也许你可以，毕竟，你们认为的将会成为事实因为你们认为！
I'm sick and tired of all your craps! Wadever you say is wad u feel, u are just playing mind games with me and my boyfriend. I know you too well, and that's the very reason why it hurts so badly in my heart...
My rational mind is running out of balance and I swear I will leave. I dun want to face a group of hypocrites even my brothers even their wife to be! The care that you are giving is way too much for me to comprehend and I will comprehend no more. I will take off because that is for my own good.
My family are all that matters to me, and if you all choose not to believe me anymore, there's no more reason for me to be here. I dun care wad my aunty my grandma my uncle says, all that natters are you. But apparently I lost faith.
I am on my own.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Just wasn't enough
I spent an awesome weekend doing things I wanna do without getting tired out by my body or any mental stress. The year has just began and work hasn't piled up much.
Just when I ended a happy day with my Darling, I came home, took my bath and my ma told me how THEY felt that my bf was cheating my money, worse, cheating my MA's money too......... And it gets better, my brother has to come in and put a knife into everything.
Right. The 1st year with Eddie Hoo, had to do so much just to make my family believe he's real, and he's real towards me. And at the same time, I saw that he is real towards everything and know what kind of guy he really is. Since then, it was umpteen times of convincing others to see things from my shoes, to see things from his shoes and eventually, having people finally giving us their blessings, envy of this relationship, and accepting the fact that this is it.
What others say, it doesn't matter to me. What my family says, matter a lot. But they never know how much their words weigh and they just swing it across, expecting me to comprehend but most of the times, I had to swallow them hard and digest it. Even if I don't, i kept it to myself, tried so hard not to let anyone know.
After Eddie came out on his own, there were so much difficulties. I was WARNED not to use my name to do his business, we had to go through so much boundaries - the law, the venue, the money etc. But we were lucky, we met Amy, she helped unconditionally (k, perhaps to help her business too), and assist in so much. Even after that, Eddie had to work so hard, sometimes till 12am, just to earn enough to cover the rental, the products, the utilities, the insurance, the car, the bike, his family and himself. Its so freaking much, but he's still trying. So many times he wanted to just quit, give it up and let it go, but I kept persuading him to go on, to just give it another shot... It was so tough and it still is but I am ready to help whenever he needs it.
My mama started to see how hardworking he is, and starts to finally accepting him, and you know how much that meant to me? A lot.... So much more than life alone.
But... They have to come in and tell tales and start badmouthing the man I love, start giving him names, start accusing him... No... All those hard works he put in, I put in, its not worthy of your trust? NO?! Tell me, how much money is it worth to find someone you love, who is working so FUCKING hard just to LET all you FUCKING people see that HE IS WORTHY of ME! And please, for goodness sake, look at my family, HOW FUCKING RICH do you think you ARE to look down on someone who worked from SCRATCH to have what he has today?! NO, you do not have the right to say bad things to someone like that.
I'm sick to the stomach just thinking about how you discriminate him. No, I'm not blinded by love. I still know how to differentiate right from wrong, and I can see it with my own eyes how hard he works, and how stress he is....
He had a choice. He don't have to be so hardworking, he can just make-do with the measely pay he used to had, but he took 1 HUGE step just to prove to you that he is worthy of me....
"As you grow older, you see more. And those sweet little things become so unimportant...." How do you expect me to read that? To become materialistic??? No, I know my league. I know where I stand. I am not the best, I am just another girl who is Ok in her studies, who landed a good job, and fell in love with someone average. Its not money that I love, its him that I love.
I'm lucky, I have all the support from my friends, from ALL of my FRIENDS. But is that enough?
I told myself to ignore all the comments from you but sometimes, when it travels to my ear, I get chills. I'm so afraid of my family.... You dare not come straight to me and ask and understand, you had to make assumptions. You had to believe yourself more than me. Do you even know me? What? I only see you like 10 times or something a year? Do you EVEN know ME?!
No, you don't.
Its a pity... I dun need your blessing because I have all of them from my friends, I don't need it from you. And if my mother believes me, that's enough for me. Even if she decides not to, i'm fine with it too. I live my life, the way I want it to be.
Its been 4 years and it wasn't enough to prove anything to you. So be it. Its none of anyone's business. I'm happy the way I am.
Just when I ended a happy day with my Darling, I came home, took my bath and my ma told me how THEY felt that my bf was cheating my money, worse, cheating my MA's money too......... And it gets better, my brother has to come in and put a knife into everything.
Right. The 1st year with Eddie Hoo, had to do so much just to make my family believe he's real, and he's real towards me. And at the same time, I saw that he is real towards everything and know what kind of guy he really is. Since then, it was umpteen times of convincing others to see things from my shoes, to see things from his shoes and eventually, having people finally giving us their blessings, envy of this relationship, and accepting the fact that this is it.
What others say, it doesn't matter to me. What my family says, matter a lot. But they never know how much their words weigh and they just swing it across, expecting me to comprehend but most of the times, I had to swallow them hard and digest it. Even if I don't, i kept it to myself, tried so hard not to let anyone know.
After Eddie came out on his own, there were so much difficulties. I was WARNED not to use my name to do his business, we had to go through so much boundaries - the law, the venue, the money etc. But we were lucky, we met Amy, she helped unconditionally (k, perhaps to help her business too), and assist in so much. Even after that, Eddie had to work so hard, sometimes till 12am, just to earn enough to cover the rental, the products, the utilities, the insurance, the car, the bike, his family and himself. Its so freaking much, but he's still trying. So many times he wanted to just quit, give it up and let it go, but I kept persuading him to go on, to just give it another shot... It was so tough and it still is but I am ready to help whenever he needs it.
My mama started to see how hardworking he is, and starts to finally accepting him, and you know how much that meant to me? A lot.... So much more than life alone.
But... They have to come in and tell tales and start badmouthing the man I love, start giving him names, start accusing him... No... All those hard works he put in, I put in, its not worthy of your trust? NO?! Tell me, how much money is it worth to find someone you love, who is working so FUCKING hard just to LET all you FUCKING people see that HE IS WORTHY of ME! And please, for goodness sake, look at my family, HOW FUCKING RICH do you think you ARE to look down on someone who worked from SCRATCH to have what he has today?! NO, you do not have the right to say bad things to someone like that.
I'm sick to the stomach just thinking about how you discriminate him. No, I'm not blinded by love. I still know how to differentiate right from wrong, and I can see it with my own eyes how hard he works, and how stress he is....
He had a choice. He don't have to be so hardworking, he can just make-do with the measely pay he used to had, but he took 1 HUGE step just to prove to you that he is worthy of me....
"As you grow older, you see more. And those sweet little things become so unimportant...." How do you expect me to read that? To become materialistic??? No, I know my league. I know where I stand. I am not the best, I am just another girl who is Ok in her studies, who landed a good job, and fell in love with someone average. Its not money that I love, its him that I love.
I'm lucky, I have all the support from my friends, from ALL of my FRIENDS. But is that enough?
I told myself to ignore all the comments from you but sometimes, when it travels to my ear, I get chills. I'm so afraid of my family.... You dare not come straight to me and ask and understand, you had to make assumptions. You had to believe yourself more than me. Do you even know me? What? I only see you like 10 times or something a year? Do you EVEN know ME?!
No, you don't.
Its a pity... I dun need your blessing because I have all of them from my friends, I don't need it from you. And if my mother believes me, that's enough for me. Even if she decides not to, i'm fine with it too. I live my life, the way I want it to be.
Its been 4 years and it wasn't enough to prove anything to you. So be it. Its none of anyone's business. I'm happy the way I am.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Happy 2011!!!
And the new year begins, undisrupted. By undisrupted, i meant nothing close to the end of the world since rumours has it that, the world will come to an end in 2012 which I am starting to believe soon.
I heard over the radio that EARTH is already in contact with ALIENS! OMG! Find it so scary, do they seriously have big eyes, big head and advance technology or are they like Transformer? I hope they are like transformers... Heh. Ok, am dreaming...
Well well, 2010 seems to pass by so very quickly. I don't quite rmb much of the happenings throughout the year, any achievements? Hmm.... Travelling many countries counted? Heh! I need to plan my 2011 properly from now on.
Much to achieve this year too. I've got more responsibility on hand now, after 1 full year and getting my 13th month bonus, I odd to be more conscientious. HAahahAhA! That's not the reason la! Because I kind of like my job. Although the association can be really in a mess sometimes, its the people that makes the place nice to work in. There's bound to be unahppy times, but i guess everywhere is like that. Well, make a change!
2011 also marks the end of checking the "Single" box. If nothing goes wrong, Darling and I will sign that contract this year. Hahahaha! Well, a little unprepared but nothing can be nicely planned i guess. And step by step we'll take. We need to save up for house, for wedding, for car (optional), for ehhh... I think that's it. Ha!
And, I also wanna enrol myself into a degree course by this year. I'm hoping to do it by 3rd quarter of the year, so I can have the luxury of the Dec period (not so busy) but dunno will have class or not. HAhaha!!!
SO, i got work, love and studies to accomplish this year. Did it sum up?
JIA YOU TEO AI PING!
I heard over the radio that EARTH is already in contact with ALIENS! OMG! Find it so scary, do they seriously have big eyes, big head and advance technology or are they like Transformer? I hope they are like transformers... Heh. Ok, am dreaming...
Well well, 2010 seems to pass by so very quickly. I don't quite rmb much of the happenings throughout the year, any achievements? Hmm.... Travelling many countries counted? Heh! I need to plan my 2011 properly from now on.
Much to achieve this year too. I've got more responsibility on hand now, after 1 full year and getting my 13th month bonus, I odd to be more conscientious. HAahahAhA! That's not the reason la! Because I kind of like my job. Although the association can be really in a mess sometimes, its the people that makes the place nice to work in. There's bound to be unahppy times, but i guess everywhere is like that. Well, make a change!
2011 also marks the end of checking the "Single" box. If nothing goes wrong, Darling and I will sign that contract this year. Hahahaha! Well, a little unprepared but nothing can be nicely planned i guess. And step by step we'll take. We need to save up for house, for wedding, for car (optional), for ehhh... I think that's it. Ha!
And, I also wanna enrol myself into a degree course by this year. I'm hoping to do it by 3rd quarter of the year, so I can have the luxury of the Dec period (not so busy) but dunno will have class or not. HAhaha!!!
SO, i got work, love and studies to accomplish this year. Did it sum up?
JIA YOU TEO AI PING!
HAPPY 2011!!!!
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