"What is done can never be undone." Not sure why, this phrase just came to my mind. It has been a while since i really had a proper blog about life. Many times recently, some fond memories kept flashing through my mind. From secondary school life to work life to the period of break and to the time when poly begun.
When we say we missed those days, how miss is miss? How much do we missed it? Sometimes, it felt like a dream, a dream that was so real. How did i ever get pass the life that i've got passed? And why does things change so rapidly. Can't really find what i want or what i used to have anymore.
Miss Teo told me the other time when i met her that maybe i just need some time to adjust to the new way of life and it seems like i had adjusted to this way of living but then again, this is not really the kind of life i looked forward to back then. I thought Poly would be really fun and the people i meet would be out of the world but seems like i was wrong. The people are selfish in many ways, review so much of themselves without even thinking what others would think about them. Disappointing... How come it seems so different? Even if it means we are learning to be in the real world. How come i can have so much fun working at a place but not have any fun with this bunch of people?
Here i am, grumbling about Poly life again... I wish life could be better as Year 1 comes to an end.
Having so much to do, so much to say yet no one is around to hear me out nor can they help. When it seems there are so many friends around, so many peers to help out, but how can they? In what position? Someone to even listen can't exist, what else can i ask for?
I guess that is also the reason why it seems like time passes really fast.
Tried hard but it doesn't help, did my best yet what i get in return is some crap. Back to my good old friends but they are all busy with their way of life, who is really there to shelter your pain anymore? We are all on different paths right from the start, who am i to ask for their support anymore.
Remember back then, when we all have our foolish dreams, setting up business of our own and moving out of our families and live with our friends. Dreaming of getting married to a guy of our dreams at the age of 24-26. You, be my bridesmaid and I, be yours. Wasn't that funny, our naive dreams at the juvenile times. Our bonds as friends will never break off but how long can that bond stand? As long as u exist, as long as i do? How can we guarantee such unforseenable future? R we being naive making that promise right from the start or perhaps i should believe that that will happen, no matter what. Perhaps...
Used to wish for a huge mansion and a beautiful car but from the looks of it now, nothing seems to be coming true, should i hold on to that wish and still hope it will come true one day? Or just naive to even still think about it?
Whenever the night gets quiet and i just can't fall asleep, everything repeats again in my mind, questioning my heart where exactly i am heading to and most of the times, my heart have no answer to it.
Everyone has their direction now, going their separate ways... It seems so easy for them, so smooth it went... Why is it so hard for me now?
Love is not expressed through buying things, it is expressed through the heart. How long will it take before all the love i have fade off, allowing my soul to drift away, far far away... Funny how things began, how it ended and then resurrected. Funny the way i handled it, funny the way it turns out. Will this go on forever, till the day this relationship is finally broken off... Sometimes, it is just so tiring to even think about it, and it is only getting worse... i hope the climax comes soon and then the ending. Or has it already been over and this is a new story? O god.. There i go again, i told you, it is tiring.
Within my family, there is nothing else i can do. I have known enough to stop knowing anymore. No matter how much it pains me, it is still going to happen. Regardless of the amount of tears i've shed, it can never be like what it was when i was young. There's really no point in putting in effort. Just like anything else, it is taking too much away from me. I can only love them as much as they want me to, my only wish is for this family to be peaceful.
Still, many things linger on in my pathetic soul. When the day comes, when my soul is cleanse, then would it the day when I finally leave this land of sorrows.
I never wanna give up on anything, I am too stubborn to but everything around me are forcing me to do that yet the only thing that remains is my determination to fight off these pains. Tiredness sets in and the thought of letting go comes again. I am but human, spare me some time to rest...
Then I ask again, when will be the time I can uncover the Answer to my Life...
No comments:
Post a Comment