moving away

As usual... Every time something was about to happen or has even happened, I don't really have too much emotions. Today, I realised, i have moved away from my family.

The process of planning, buying things, having lots of laughters and quarrels with Darling over the smallest issue of what colour to choose, and all the silly things that happened along the way, was great fun. It was a time which I got to know my darling more, a time when i know he will not put me in lurch, a time when i know, i can count on this man for the rest of my life. Although he will get angry due to things i do and said or just simply because he's tired, at the end of the day, he made everything possible.

While I was so busy with work and studies, while i was feeling exhausted from menses, he took time to go to our new place to fix things, to get things ready for us to move in by 30 Sep.  It was through this, i know, that Mr Hoo, is a really really responsible and he will never leave me fending for myself.

Despite so, my moving away is a devastating moment for myself. Its like finally having a life on my own, nobody at home to take care of me, no one to help me with the dishes, no more "Mama!"

After all the moving and clearing and cleaning, I took my bath, sat down on my bed, and suddenly realised, I've moved away. Away from my home of 23 years. I put on a strong front infront of everyone, feels happy when I need to but deep down inside, I miss home already.

As much as I don't want to think about it, when i'm alone, when my mind had a minute of breather, I'll think of it. Suddenly, my house is empty... Its just me and my tenant.

It feels like going overseas for work, forever.

Typing from home

Can't rmb the last time i typed an entry from home, even since my laptop was down for the past 2years? I haven't really been typing a blog from home.

Today, i'm sitted at the same place i always sit on in my room, looking at a slightly different screen but still on the same blog i created some years ago, typing some expressions. Its pretty ironic huh, in i guess a month or so time, i'll be heading out of this house, a strange yet familiar place.

A lot of feelings but very little words to express them, just keep telling myself to put this feeling at the back of my head, because it really isn't that important, or is it? Heh!

I have to admit i've been quite stressed up recently. The house, the school and i guess very much the money. Its really tough when you didn't planned things out well enough. It used to be a thought but when it comes true, there're just so many things you need to think about, fulfill them. This is actually the first time, i totatlly experienced this phrase, "easier said than done".

I'm struggling, its a fact. So what? I still gotta deal with it.

As much as Darling is doing his best to help and its really 2 persons shouldering this huge rock, but it just seem so heavy still.

Perhaps its because i decided to study now? Schools starting in wad, 3 days time, and i'm not feeling anything, i know its gonna be tough but it hasn't really knock me hard enough. Maybe i'll realised it only after i fall flat on my face, or maybe i'll be able to handle it?

I don't know.

With each passing day, i keep telling myself, i can do and i will do it. But seriously, how???

Ms Teo, you need to do it, regardless.

I hope for the best.